On Purpose

“Purpose is spirit seeking expression.”

Kevin Cashman

Do you remember your very first childhood dream? The first wish you had, the first thought that crossed your mind when adults were asking you what you wanted to be as a grown-up? Who did you want to be? Did you want to be an astronaut and later on realized that you were far from wanting any of what that entailed? Perhaps you were so doubtful, endowed with such a peculiarly wide imagination that a legion of thoughts navigated your mind.

Or did you always know? Did you know it so well that this idea never, for one single instant, left your mind?

We are, nowadays, trapped in a society in which we are constantly pressured to live by firmly defined beliefs and standards. To remain faithful to our innermost ambition is not only a challenge but also requires a potent strength of character. One can find a way to live accordingly, or one can struggle while attempting to find a way out of the societal spiral in order to reach their yearning.

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It is quite an uncanny feeling to experience, I have to acknowledge. Being aware without knowing an actual way to live according to our true purpose. There is a chance to be able to thrive while experiencing only half of what we truly are meant to achieve. And then, this odd feeling of not belonging does not add up.

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All of a sudden, it did not seem to make any more sense: to be stuck in that training room, unbearably reminding me of the school’s classrooms, being harped on a topic I was so very lightly hooked on. It was upsetting, almost harrowing. For, at that very moment, I realized that this was not what I was meant to be doing. I was meant to be sitting at this desk, in the same manner, only with a different intention, aim, purpose. I was meant to be writing. I am meant to be writing, to use my words in a unique, mighty way.

Thus, the following days were not as smooth as the beginning, when all I had hoped for was a fresh start and new opportunities. The epiphany that I had to undergo an experience that could not define my self, my being, my soul, at all was the explanation.

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“The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for.”

Fyodor Dostoyevsky

This is a double-edged sword: to be aware of your calling whilst almost feeling like a failure given that you are not fully able to live it, at the present moment. We recognize that we could be utterly thriving if only we had followed all the right steps, scored all the points and finally attained our goal. But we are still working on it, walking our path tediously, with fluctuating motivation.

And yet, there is still some magic to it. We ought to consider ourselves the lucky ones, for countless other souls seem to be lost trying to find their true self, their true purpose and the meaning of their existence. We are fortunate enough to know where the road is going to lead us, whether we are currently looking for the right path or already found it. What a joy to have discovered the burning fire that is fueling our soul. What a delight to let ourselves be driven by passion. It is a chance to know our purpose and it is our duty as well to never cease to honor it, for, to latch onto it is our most compelling force.

Whether we have already grasped our purpose or not, we ought to remember that we all possess one. It may be hidden under layers of self-doubt or in the hands of a loved one. Hereafter we shall be prompted to seek it, regardless of how. And in the wise words of my father: remember that each and every sacrifice will pay off in the end. Aim to live with a driving force that will make your heart pound blissfully.

what is your own calling, your purpose?

Soleil noir. 47ter.